There are so many things I found gross during my life. Some I swore I could never get through and will forever be on my never ever list. Before I had my little one the list was endless. I was one of those women appalled by burp, farts and any other bad smells, one of those who would turn their head in disgust seeing someone spit (I still do) or pick their nose.
Eewwww – snot was so horribly disgusting
I never understood mums smell their babies bums and suddenly make that “I will throw up” face. I always thought they are a bit crazy. I mean, if you know is bad why do you still do it? Fuck sake woman. Get yourself together and stop doing this shit.
Oh, getting your fingers in someone’s mouth? Horrible
Eating left over cereals, biscuits that just fell on the floor (five second rule), picking up chewed food off the floor or drinking a cup of coffee cold (no go for me – hated cold coffee all my life) – all these things I considered an absolute no no and I never imagined myself doing any of them.
It all starts with that positive line when you pee on a stick
I guess it is pretty clear how delicate and sensitive I was.
Now, once you become a mother all these change dramatically. It all starts with that first pooh inspection – check the colour and consistency. If all is well, keep doing it every time you change your baby’s nappy until she is completely weaned and all is normal.
It all continues with the first burp, vomit, blocked nose and the smelly farts.
Aahhhh, the things we do as parents are unimaginable.
1. Smell your baby’s bum so naturally like you’ve done it all your life
2. Catch vomit in your bare hands and not be bothered by what it actually is
3. Be happy when your baby finally poops after three days of continuous smelly farts and worry
4. Be happy when your baby poops every time of the day – maybe not that one time when she decided to do it in the swimming pool and the nappy leaked so I ended up all covered in shit while my little one was hysterically laughing
5. Be proud when baby burps – yyaaiiii “the air is out munchkin. You will sleep so well now” (or not)
6. “Fish” for snot in your baby’s nose and try to turn it into a fun activity so you can take all those suckers out
7. Bite food in tiny pieces so you can feed them to your little one
8. Use wipes to clean a very dirty baby
9. Use wipes to clean yourself wherever you are
10. Wear a top that smells of vomit and has a little stain on it as well – you have no clean ones anyway as your laundry basket is full but you got no time
11. Describe your labour in such detail that some might think you got medical training
12. Be boring and talk about baby poo and burps like it’s a natural meet your friends for coffee topic
13. Cleaning your entire house with wipes because they are so easy to use and they clean so well – got to the stage when I was wiping my stairs every day using them
14. Use a bit of my saliva to clean my little one’s face because I just used the last wipe to clean the table
15. Eat my baby’s left overs, including those tiny pieces she had in her mouth and spat out cause she didn’t like them
16. Change my baby’s nappy full of smelly poo and turn back to my slice of toast immediately after without thinking just how disgusting all looks like
17. Accept a kiss from a face full of snot, saliva and/or food just because I love it so much when my baby gives me a kiss
18. Wiping my little one’s eye when it’s all sticky and yellow pretending like it’s all good (God, this is so so gross)
19. Getting poo on your hands accidentally while you clean your baby’s bum and not being bothered by it
20. Wiping my baby’s snotty nose with my bare hands and pretend it never happened (clean my hands with sanitiser until I find a sink)
I am so sure there are so many more gross things we do and can’t even think about them. If you find any let me know, drop them in a comment. I am sure I’ll get one of those eureka moments and smile thinking “yeah. I done that”