I love quotes. About anything. Don’t matter. I love words. Scrolling down through some wisdom little words I found this: “Want to know who your friends are? Have a child and see who’s still there”
I found this while I was pregnant, in my first trimester actually.I laughed at the beginning to be honest. It seemed funny. I thought that a frustrated person said it out of spite and a series of other frustrated people made it popular. It seemed this way back than. Still, I stored it somewhere in the back of my head. It stuck to me for some reason.
Getting closer and closer to having my baby I found myself lonelier and lonelier. Now when my baby is four months old? Same thing. Nobody calls you anymore unless they need something from you, nobody wants to come over and chill like before. It feels like once you decide to go on this route all your life changes forever. You are a member of the mummy cult and nobody likes you anymore. Unless they are at a similar stage with you (have kids or planning on having soon).
I know my priorities changed since I became a mother but I am still ME. Behind nappy changing, sterilising bottles, cleaning vomit off my top I am still the same person I was. I don’t think I lost myself when Ruby was born. It was hard at the beginning and I have to admit I didn’t give a shit about how I look or who I am but this lasted just a few weeks. I am back to being me. I still love wine, long walks, having my nails done occasionally, wearing makeup, cracking jokes and chatting all day long. I still like the same music, same movies and same crime shows as ever. I am not changed. I only have a baby attached to me and this should not exclude anyone from any circles.
Unfortunately some don’t see things like this. When you get to the stage when you just watch how people slowly slip out of your life is just sad. You realise that you no longer have much in common and your priorities are completely different. I know life takes us on different paths but I like to think that I would not drift away from my friends just because they change jobs, I don’t agree with decisions they make or cause they are having a baby.
I can relate to that quote now although I don’t like it.
Apparently nothing lasts forever but the love for your children. Friends come and go in your life, seasons change and roads separate us and if old or not so old friends think you are boring and pointless than they no longer belong in your life.
We have to accept who we are and who they are. Keep close the ones who stay in your life and remember lovely moments of those who don’t. You never know what is around the corner so be happy for what you have and who you have close to you for they are precious and worth while.
I never had too many friends but the ones I had were and are in my heart. I may not see them as often as I want to but they know where I am and what I do.
I admit that my life changed and first I think of my child and second of myself but who wouldn’t? If a parent tells me he/she thinks first of themselves and put the baby second I would say they are selfish and don’t deserve to be called parents. But I know for sure there are no people like this.
Being a parent teaches you how not to be selfish, how to give yourself completely to that little human who is fully dependent on you.
As for friendships there always has to be giving and receiving and probably when we have a baby we can still relate and understand our friends lives where they can no longer understand ours. Of course we won’t have as much time to spend with our friends as before but we can still offer them the same quality of time, we can still listen to them and advise them, support and laugh with them. We can still be their friend and if one day we don’t pick up the phone is not because we don’t want to but because we might be in the middle of a feed, our child might cry for no reason or finally we fell asleep at 8 pm. This don’t mean we are not friends anymore.