Motherhood and OCD – thank you Pampers and Dettol

No, they did not offer me anything for free. Unfortunately. But I want to thank them anyway.  After giving birth I got frustrated as I had no time to do absolutely anything. My little girl was taking up all my time, all 24 hours of the day and I couldn’t even wash some damn dishes. I was so upset and I felt absolutely useless.

I could have turned the house upside down, clean it from top to bottom, do laundry, dishes and all there is. I even thought of cleaning the driveway, the entrance doors and the shed. It was all in my head and I was picturing myself doing it while taking care of Ruby. I think it did help keep my sanity. Kris was very supportive and he kept on telling me that I just had a baby so I should take it easy. Make sure the baby is fine and he will do the rest. But for me taking care of the little one was not enough so I was grumpy and useless. I could barely walk but I was thinking of so much heavy lifting and cleaning products.

I’ve never been OCD. I love having my house tidy and clean but I have never been obsessed with things. I might have days when I don’t feel like doing anything and all my stuff is lying around the house and days when all I do is clean, mop and dust around. But I guess this is normal. What happened after I had the baby is another story. I guess it slowly but surely turned into an obsessive compulsive disorder. Not sure if it will medically be diagnosed such but something is there.

I left the house in my fiancé’s hands so for a while he was man and woman of the house. He was cooking, cleaning, doing laundry and all you can imagine. I on the other hand was breastfeeding, crying, getting depressed but fully in love with my baby. I think too much love is overwhelming and it takes you places you never imagined. I was the happiest and the saddest person alive. I didn’t know how to cope with it all. This lasted for a while. He got angry and frustrated as well. Coming home from work so he can do the work here as well was and is a bit much for a man. I got angrier and angrier at myself thinking I am not as good as I am supposed to be.

I started doing small things around the house. Today a load of washing, tomorrow bit of dishes or dusting. I was trying to get back to my old self slowly. It was hard but not impossible. Instead of sleeping when Ruby was sleeping I was doing things. I was exhausted and too aware of my post birth figure. I wanted myself back and it was hard to understand that it all takes time.

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One day I had a pack of wipes in my hand and I noticed a bit of dust around the changing table. Going to get a cloth is a waste of time when you have a newborn. If the monkey is asleep you proceed. Forget about phone calls, messages, boyfriend/fiancee/husband/other kids. Just do it. Grab those wipes and may the force  be with you.

This is how I discovered that Pampers sensitive wipes are good for dusting. A while after I also noticed that they are good for cleaning doors, stairs and even wooden floors (need to mention that they are not as good for the floors. Be aware as if you don’t do it properly you might get a sticky floor). This was amazing. No need to have dirty cloths as I have wipes.

Soon after I discovered that for tables and kitchen, Dettol with lemon scent is heaven on earth. Now I am addicted to it and nothing seems better. The only thing is I have to use them every day on a surface or other. I am obsessed with not having dishes in the sink. I can’t relax if I know them there. I have to wash them so I can enjoy life as a normal person.  Sometimes I see things that need a bit of a wipe or a small dose of Dettol around and I am praying my child will fall asleep for half hour so I can use the magic products.

Obsession? Probably is. But what can I do? House gets cleaned and baby is taken care of so why would I worry? Or shall I? Not sure.

Maybe worry if it gets worse than it is.

 

 

 

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