I had so much inspiration at midnight when my baby woke up crying and I had no clue what is going on. She never wakes up so early but than again she is growing so she changes her routine very often. While I was feeding her I had so many ideas but unfortunately I preferred sleep so I forgot every little word I thought about.
I know I got pissed off. First time when I got so annoyed with myself and my baby. I was holding her tight in my arms thinking it will calm her down. Always worked, apart from last night. I made some milk and she ate it like there is no tomorrow. She fell asleep right after she finished and I was standing in the middle of the room thinking if I should start writing or go back to bed. And I chose sleep.
So I am not going to be mean like I wanted and I will not vent about baby, myself or being judged. Although I am sick and tired of being judged, specially by people with no kids and the ones closest to me. Nobody understands that I have no clue what I am doing. I am taking life as it is trying to raise my baby as best as I can and be a good fiancée. There is no rule book with chapters about what to do and when. There is no right or wrong. It’s just a mother and a baby. Some mums choose to breastfeed while others would love to but can’t do it; some decide on staying at home and be with their baby constantly while others have to go back to work. There are situations and situations. As long as the little one smiles at you in the morning when he/she sees you, as long as they are fed and healthy you are doing an excellent job as a mother. Don’t beat yourself up that your friend’s baby picked up a toy before yours or started having solid foods before yours. All babies develop on their own pace so let them do it when they are ready. I stopped doing it a while back as it was driving me nuts. I decided to just enjoy my Ruby as she is. So full of energy, smiles and giggles, getting angry when she cannot reach a toy or when I want to feed her and she is not hungry. She has a very strong personality and when she was born I told her that she will change the world. And I know she will.
Until that time comes she showed me magic at six in the morning. For the first time she held the milk bottle and fed herself. I couldn’t believe it. I watched her and kept smiling. With my eyes half closed I forgot about the state I was in a few hours back when I couldn’t calm her, I forgot I wanted to kill my fiancée just because no reason, I even forgot I am tired. I just smiled while thinking ahead, planning the future and seeing my dreams closer than ever.
Ruby is my miracle and she does magic. She never stops surprising me and for this I know she will have a very bright future.
She is mine and like every mother I think my baby is the most beautiful, the smartest, the most wanted and the most loved child in the world.
I look at her now and I smile. I already forgot it took me two hours to get her to sleep and stop her from crying. She is teething. She chews whatever she can grab and she dribbles like crazy. I already had my fingers and my palms chewed. I could feel about two teeth. Wow. Just yesterday she was so tiny and could barely see or hear and now I am getting ready to help her crawl.